DON'T think about or say the word DIVORCE! When someone does bring up divorce that is like someone throwing out a signal for a need of help, like they are drowning. Don't throw them rocks, by demeaning or criticizing the spouse. Give them a life preserver by listening.
My teacher told a story today of a man he knew that his wife and kids were packing up and leaving to move across the states, leaving this husband. This man loved this woman and was devastated. My teacher got a phone call from this man asking what to do. Brother Williams said "Get off the phone and go talk to her." This man came up with excuses and never ended up going. A few days later this man's wife called my teacher in tears saying that her husband never came. She was deeply hurt. I think the point of the story was that the woman and kids didn't want to leave the dad and husband but rather the wife wanted to see if she and the kids were a big enough priority in his life, and she got the message when he never came. Ohh how sad!
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70% of people who have been divorced said that they should have and could have saved their marriage. Someone in the relationship or possibly both were NOT being Christlike and many times they were merely thinking of themselves and how hurt they were rather than thinking about their families and possible kids involved.
I think that not falling into the trap of negativity that even leads to the thoughts of separation and divorce would be to make your spouse the very most important thing in your life--over sports and video games and also over relationships with your mom and sisters. Remember why you fell in love with your spouse in the first place. What about them do you love? How can you serve and appreciate what they do for you? When was the last time you said "I love you" to them and meant it? When was the last time the both of you went on a date and just did something you both enjoy together?
Working through things will make you both stronger and make you love each other even more. On my my mission I was having a rough time with a companion and a suggestion that was given to me was to make a gratitude wall. Write down the things I was grateful for everyday. Another thing I started doing was each night I would ask myself "What was the best thing that happened today?" It gave me time to reflect on my day and the things that had happened and what I was grateful for. My gratitude and love for my investigators, area and companion grew and I found myself to be more happy. I was looking for the positive and that's exactly what I found.
That can be the same for marriage! look for the good in each other. Focus on the positives and things you love rather than the small things that drive you crazy. It will make a difference I promise!!!
Thursday, December 10, 2015
Thursday, December 3, 2015
Perfect Parents
Parenting. What is the purpose of parenting? It is to protect and prepare children to survive and thrive in the world they will be living in.
This week in class we have been talking about parenting. One of the last things that my teacher said today stood out to me. He said "Most people see God in the same way they see their parents, and even themselves." Profound.
If kids don't have a good relationship with their parents they will think less of themselves and not feel as worthwhile. When a parent withdraws love from their child, they most likely are going to think that they are a bad child, rather than that the parent is doing something wrong.
Children have needs just as the rest of us do. Children need contact and belonging, power, protection,withdrawal and challenges. If those needs aren't being met they will try to get them met in different ways and through different things such as rebellion, revenge and those types of things.
My teacher told a story of an eleven year old boy that was squirmy and all over the place. The type of kid that even while sitting he is still bouncing. He had a little sibling that has some rather severe disability and so the mom and dad in this family spent little time tending to the other children. My teacher said he decided to do something about it and every time he saw this young man he would make a conscious effort to give him attention and physical contact through handshakes and listening. He did so for several weeks and the results were incredible. That eleven year old boy that was all over the place now was calmer at home and other places and it was because his needs were being met of contact and belonging.
We should use Heavenly Father as an example in the way we raise our children. He never withdraws His love from us. He is a wonderful listener. He has our safety and happiness as His greatest motivator. And even though He says no to us...doesn't mean that He doesn't care or want us to be happy. He has a bigger perspective and what we ultimately need in our lives and to become the people we are meant to be.
This week in class we have been talking about parenting. One of the last things that my teacher said today stood out to me. He said "Most people see God in the same way they see their parents, and even themselves." Profound.
If kids don't have a good relationship with their parents they will think less of themselves and not feel as worthwhile. When a parent withdraws love from their child, they most likely are going to think that they are a bad child, rather than that the parent is doing something wrong.
Children have needs just as the rest of us do. Children need contact and belonging, power, protection,withdrawal and challenges. If those needs aren't being met they will try to get them met in different ways and through different things such as rebellion, revenge and those types of things.
My teacher told a story of an eleven year old boy that was squirmy and all over the place. The type of kid that even while sitting he is still bouncing. He had a little sibling that has some rather severe disability and so the mom and dad in this family spent little time tending to the other children. My teacher said he decided to do something about it and every time he saw this young man he would make a conscious effort to give him attention and physical contact through handshakes and listening. He did so for several weeks and the results were incredible. That eleven year old boy that was all over the place now was calmer at home and other places and it was because his needs were being met of contact and belonging.
We should use Heavenly Father as an example in the way we raise our children. He never withdraws His love from us. He is a wonderful listener. He has our safety and happiness as His greatest motivator. And even though He says no to us...doesn't mean that He doesn't care or want us to be happy. He has a bigger perspective and what we ultimately need in our lives and to become the people we are meant to be.
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