What REALLY Matters

It’s been an interesting time in life lately. I just had my second baby a month ago and have been sleep deprived and am fully immersed in mom mode. Thankfully my husband has a leave from work that has been super helpful with taking care of the 17 month old as I navigate the new normal of nursing a baby that is very different than my first. Miss Amorie loves to be held, drink mama's milk and will fall asleep in our arms. 

I’ve had some thoughts come to mind lately as I have been up in the night feeding the baby. I have had thoughts of what is really the most important thing in my life and what isn’t. Obviously since having another baby it has been harder to keep up on household tasks such as cleaning the bathrooms, doing dishes and vacuuming the floors. The way our house is set up one of the first things you can see as you walk in the front door is the kitchen sink and countertops. It drives me crazy when there is a pile of dishes in the sink.

As I was doing the dishes one morning I was listening to some music by Hillary Weeks and I loved what she was talking about.  

If you only had today, what would you prioritize in your life and want to accomplish? Now go out and start living and doing it!

It hit me hard that I should be taking advantage of the time I have with my babies because they won’t be little for long and I will miss this stage. I want to remember and catch those giggles, smiles and excitement as they learn new things and make connections. It's so easy to get caught up in unimportant things like checking our phones or spending time on mindless games or shows. Sonny and I did a challenge the other day because we were just mindlessly scrolling on our phones and wasting a lot of time. The challenge was to delete any and all games or social media that was distracting us from what was right in front of us...each other and our kids. It was pathetic how many times I pulled out my phone out of habit when I was feeling bored. 

My Aunt is dying of pancreatic cancer. It’s been interesting to watch her community of family and friends rally around her and her husband. She has been able to do a bunch of things on her bucket list. My aunt has been able to spend more time with her husband along with her siblings working on projects and going places that she has wanted to before she passes away. It has been eye opening to me to watch my mom as she has learned her little sister is going to die. Sometimes life throws you a curveball that makes you realize that your priorities need to change. 

Its not about the nail

://youtu.be/-4EDhdAHrOg

I really like this short video. Sometimes, typically the guys, like to solve the problems while the girls just want to be heard. It is important to listen to understand and not to be right or try to solve the issue.

I learned this week in my class that “To love means to listen” I really like that quote. This week we have been talking about communicating and one of the focuses for me has been to talk and listen effectively. The speaker listener technique is a very good thing because I know that I am really good at assuming or interrupting. With that technique it is very structured and helps with truly listening to the person talking and being understood rather than trying to solve issues and being right. I want to try doing this with my fiancé, and see if we can understand where we individually are coming from better.

I know there are times, more often than not, that I put walls up or just go silent rather than problem solve and communicate effectively with those around me. It isn't healthy and my fiance is so patient with me and loves me enough to let me talk things out when I need to. I am grateful for him in my life! He is my best friend and there is no one else that I would love to talk with and go through this life and eternity with. :)

Disciple Leader Conference, the Rigby and John

John said, “The reason I came to Brigham Young University Idaho is because I prayed about it on my mission and felt impressed that this is the school in which I should attend. Previous to that prompting I had felt like I wanted to attend the University of New Mexico in Albuquerque New Mexico.”

Little did I know that I would become friends with him and get involved with Disciple Leader Conference and have all the experiences both he and I would have because of the choice to be here at Brigham Young University Idaho. Being a part of this school and specifically being on this campus is a huge blessing and the spirit on a school campus isn’t found anywhere else. The rules and values here keep the students held accountable and are a higher standard than any other campus. From big rules of only being able to miss a few days of class per semester to smaller rules such as curfew and not being able to wear flip flops and shorts on campus.    

John is my friend that I met last semester while on a double date. My date was Durant, and John was mission companions with him, and he had a date. We hiked up R Mountain and had s’mores. It was a lot of fun. As a result of this double date I ended up seeing John around campus more. Eventually we became good friends. I ended up volunteering for Disciple Leader Conference that is put on by students every semester. During spring semester this past year, one of my roommates got me to go to a meeting where they talked about the different student support groups and I became interested in the Disciple Leader Conference one. I helped with Blitzing last semester and decided to do it again this semester. John and I worked together this semester as we went blitzing for the conference and let people know about it.   

John has a special place in his heart for the Rigby building because that is the building where student support happens. He participates in a lot of different student support organizations that are all located within the Rigby building. The Rigby building is a refuge for the students and a joined place of the spirit. Get Connected is an organization that helps new freshman and transfer students acclimate to the school to learn the campus, make friends and have fun. First Year Mentors is an organization that is specifically focused on mentoring the new freshman and transfer students during the semester. As Get Connected solely focuses on the beginning of the semester, First Year Mentors focuses on the wellbeing during their entire first semester of attending BYUI. Heber J. Grant purely is focused on students attending BYUI that have a higher risk of not graduating. There is also Peer Mentor where they develop school curriculum which will one day be a required class for all students to take as a foundation class. There is also Visit Day Ambassadors which give visiting parents, friends and family of future students a tour of the campus. Last there is Involvement where there sole purpose is to invite people to volunteer and get involved with student support. In accordance to the Rigby Building John said, “I go there every day Monday thru Friday, for one to two hours to help plan, prepare for the current semester, and the following semesters Disciple Leader Conference.”

“When I first started Disciple Leader Conference, I had been selected to teach. While attending those meetings, I still had the common return missionary ideology that I should still be serving a mission, and that I should be in my previous areas continuing to teach the people I once taught. I didn’t know why I was attending BYU-I at the time and couldn’t just get an extension of the mission. It was at that point where I had a spiritual experience in one of the meetings. At the end of one such particular meeting, a prayer was offered by one of the leaders of the group.  In the prayer, she prayed for each of the members of the teaching group by name, and prayed individually for their needs. The spirit was so strong and the spirit testified to me that being home and helping with the students at BYU-Idaho was my purpose.” Disciple Leader Conference is not just an organization of the school, where students help students, but it is to help students come closer to the Savior. The topics every semester for the conference are based on Christlike attributes and how each of us as His children can come unto Him. Faculty and staff, President Gilbert and other keynote speakers along with student-led discussions all focus on those topics of how we can be better Disciple Leaders.

John was a leader over blitzing for the Disciple Leader Conference this semester. I volunteered for blitzing, and every week we would go out together and tell people about the upcoming conference. We had some pretty good experiences. John recalls an experience he had while blitzing. “We had prayed beforehand that the Lord would guide us of what to do and where to go. The Lord kept His promise. We were guided to people in the MC and Library that were truly interested in going to Disciple Leader Conference and to people who were willing to help with Student Support.”

When you first walk into the Rigby by the North East Main entrance you are immediately greeted with a staircase, a door, and a list of offices and what specific offices are on each individual floor. The first floor is mainly comprised of the English faculty and staff. One the second floor contains more offices of faculty and staff of the English department, officers in the army representing the ROTC program of the college and the student support rooms for faculty, staff and volunteers. Half of the second floor is set apart purely for student support faculty, staff and volunteers. Depending upon your organization and position is a key factor in how much time you will spend in the Rigby building. As a fulltime faculty member you can expect to work Monday thru Friday, 30-40 hours a week. Staff members (mostly comprised of hired students) can be expected to work 18-26 hours a week. Volunteers, however, are expected to put in five to 10 hours a week depending on their council position. All other volunteers may only be expected to volunteer for 2-4 hours a week. John said, “This is my favorite building and I spend time in it every day, so I know it well.” He loves to spend time serving there because he knows it makes a difference in his life, but also the lives of those that come and are a part of the conference every semester. Some of his greatest friends have come because he chose to get involved and sacrifice many hours in behalf of the greater good of the school.

The Rigby building was named after the settler and prominent church leader William F. Rigby, in Eastern Idaho. It was dedicated on December 11, 1963 by Elder Marion G. Romney of the Council of the Twelve. The building was originally a dormitory made up of 120 rooms with two boys to each room (total of 235), except for five single quarters for senior resident students who aided in the supervision.

Rigby was born in his grandparents’ home to his mother Margaret Littlewood on January 29, 1833, in Saddleworth, England, a small town near the manufacturing city of Manchester.

Factory worker and farmer, pioneer and missionary, civic leader and religious leader, prisoner and statesman, William F. Rigby lived in a world of contrasts. An energetic worker who never put off any task however daunting it may seem, Rigby’s list of accomplishments are impressive. He helped establish over 44 communities in Idaho and Utah. He built up not only households, but ranches, nurseries, sawmills, mercantile, and waterways in three different states. He served time both in the Utah Territorial Prison and in the Idaho State Legislature. For 17 years, he labored as the found father and Bishop of Newton, Utah. He then served another 17 years in the Bannock Stake Presidency of Idaho, one of the largest stakes in the church at that time. In his personal life he was personal life he was a husband and father.

http://www.byui.edu/student-support/disciple-leader-conference 

http://photo.byui.edu/rigbybiddulphhall/h6F550FB8#h67b5309a 

  

 

Dreaded P Word

                                               

I struggled as all missionaries do. That one companion. You know the one I’m talking about. She tested my patience. I remember her suggesting that I have more patience. I could have exploded in rage when she said that because I had felt that I was being patient and if she or anyone told me to be patient one more time, I swore I was going to show them just how patient I had already been.

When voicing my concern to one of my leaders I was counseled to pray for patience. I had heard all the stories and expressions of people saying “whatever you do, don’t pray for it.”  I prayed for it then and it was different than I had anticipated. I imagined as people had told me that I would have these challenging people and experiences that would test my patience. At first I was worried, but the fear soon left as I gained more understanding, compassion and love toward my companion and those around me without much of a battle, like I had anticipated. Now nearly two years later I am working on that same Christ-like quality. The dreaded P word.

Throughout my life I have had people say things to me such as “you are so patient” while others say I need to be more patient. Recently I was counseled to be patient, not by a leader but by God through a priesthood blessing, so that is what I am trying to work on and become better at. Each of us are human and make mistakes. Imagine how God must feel having to watch and deal with us every day. How patient He must be!  

Elder Holland has said “Imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with. That must be terribly frustrating to him, but He deals with it. So should we.” These last couple weeks I have prayed for patience towards those around me. I have noticed that there hasn’t been big disagreements or problems within my apartment which is a huge blessing. When I have seen the pile of dishes in the sink, instead of becoming irritable, I haven’t got upset but instead just quietly do them. When one of my roommates has had a stressful day and has happened to short with me, instead of becoming offended, I have been able to more fully and quickly forgive them.

In no way am I saying that just because I prayed for patience, it came easily. I have put in effort and had to just let some things go, not making a big deal about them. It’s sometimes as simple as me keeping my mouth shut when I very easily could have made a comment. At other times it has been to just remember that I won’t be in this situation forever and that I should try to learn as much as I can because before I know it things will be different.

President Thomas S. Monson says this about patience, “Life is full of difficulties, some minor and others of a more serious nature. There seems to be an unending supply of challenges for one and all. Our problem is that we often expect instantaneous solutions to such challenges, forgetting that frequently the heavenly virtue of patience is required.” (“Patience- A Heavenly Virtue” Ensign Nov. 1995) Oh how true those words are from our beloved Prophet. This life wasn’t meant to be easy. Trials and challenges help us to learn and grow more than the easy, good times in our lives.

 I enjoy the part in the Book of Mormon where Laman and Lemuel are angry with Nehi so they tie him up on the ship. A few days had gone by and they would not let Nephi go despite the pleas of his family members. I love the scriptures that explain this, "But it came to pass that I prayed unto the Lord, saying: O Lord, according to my faith which is in thee, wilt thou deliver me from the hands of my brethren; yea, even give me strength that I may burst these bands with which I am bound. And it came to pass that when I had said these words, behold, the bands were loosed from off my hands and feet, and I stood before my brethren, and I spake unto them again." (1 Nephi 7:17-18) Nephi had to be and was patient. God didn't answer Nephi's prayer in exactly the way he hoped it would be answered, but the bands were made loose. That is very much how God works in our lives. He doesn't give us exactly what we ask for all the time, but what we need. It was after a few days of Nephi being tied up and his hands and feet began to swell because of the bands which he was tied up with. Yet Nephi chose to be patient and not complain about his circumstances. I am learning that patience, at least for me, is a daily struggle. I can't just say I've mastered the concept, nor will I probably ever be able to say that in this lifetime, but choice by choice, day by day, I can become a little better.

Not going to lie sometimes having patience is easier for me than at other times. Despite everything that happens in life, I know that God keeps his promises. His way and timing, more often than not, are not what I had in mind and it is difficult. But as I have patience and trust in Him I see that His plans and the potential he sees in me is so much more than I ever saw.

I think one of the reasons on the mission I had that certain companion is so I could learn patience, but I also learned from her what unconditional love she had for me and the people we were serving. If anyone would have asked me that when I was in the situation, I would have had absolutely no idea why I was companions with her for those two very long and challenging transfers.

Heavenly Father knew then as he knows now, that I needed to have the experience of learning patience from the sister in my mission who challenged it in me. And for whatever reason, I have been asked again to be patient with things that are going on in my life. Maybe one day when I look back at this experience that I am going through right now in my life, I will see exactly what God’s purpose is for me and I will be able to thank Him for allowing me to learn, yet again, and continually the importance of the once dreaded P word.     

The "D" word

DON'T  think about or say the word DIVORCE! When someone does bring up divorce that is like someone throwing out a signal for a need of help, like they are drowning. Don't throw them rocks, by demeaning or criticizing the spouse. Give them a life preserver by listening.

My teacher told a story today of a man he knew that his wife and kids were packing up and leaving to move across the states, leaving this husband. This man loved this woman and was devastated. My teacher got a phone call from this man asking what to do. Brother Williams said "Get off the phone and go talk to her." This man came up with excuses and never ended up going. A few days later this man's wife called my teacher in tears saying that her husband never came. She was deeply hurt. I think the point of the story was that the woman and kids didn't want to leave the dad and husband but rather the wife wanted to see if she and the kids were a big enough priority in his life, and she got the message when he never came. Ohh how sad!
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70% of people who have been divorced said that they should have and could have saved their marriage. Someone in the relationship or possibly both were NOT being Christlike and many times they were merely thinking of themselves and how hurt they were rather than thinking about their families and possible kids involved.

I think that not falling into the trap of negativity that even leads to the thoughts of separation and divorce would be to make your spouse the very most important thing in your life--over sports and video games and also over relationships with your mom and sisters. Remember why you fell in love with your spouse in the first place. What about them do you love? How can you serve and appreciate what they do for you? When was the last time you said "I love you" to them and meant it? When was the last time the both of you went on a date and just did something you both enjoy together?

Working through things will make you both stronger and make you love each other even more. On my my mission I was having a rough time with a companion and a suggestion that was given to me was to make a gratitude wall. Write down the things I was grateful for everyday. Another thing I started doing was each night I would ask myself "What was the best thing that happened today?" It gave me time to reflect on my day and the things that had happened and what I was grateful for. My gratitude and love for my investigators, area and companion grew and I found myself to be more happy. I was looking for the positive and that's exactly what I found.

That can be the same for marriage! look for the good in each other. Focus on the positives and things you love rather than the small things that drive you crazy. It will make a difference I promise!!!

Perfect Parents

Parenting. What is the purpose of parenting? It is to protect and prepare children to survive and thrive in the world they will be living in.

This week in class we have been talking about parenting. One of the last things that my teacher said today stood out to me. He said "Most people see God in the same way they see their parents, and even themselves." Profound.

If kids don't have a good relationship with their parents they will think less of themselves and not feel as worthwhile. When a parent withdraws love from their child, they most likely are going to think that they are a bad child, rather than that the parent is doing something wrong.

Children have needs just as the rest of us do. Children need contact and belonging, power, protection,withdrawal and challenges. If those needs aren't being met they will try to get them met in different ways and through different things such as rebellion, revenge and those types of things.

 My teacher told a story of an eleven year old boy that was squirmy and all over the place. The type of kid that even while sitting he is still bouncing. He had a little sibling that has some rather severe disability and so the mom and dad in this family spent little time tending to the other children. My teacher said he decided to do something about it and every time he saw this young man he would make a conscious effort to give him attention and physical contact through handshakes and listening. He did so for several weeks and the results were incredible. That eleven year old boy that was all over the place now was calmer at home and other places and it was because his needs were being met of contact and belonging.  

We should use Heavenly Father as an example in the way we raise our children. He never withdraws His love from us. He is a wonderful listener. He has our safety and happiness as His greatest motivator. And even though He says no to us...doesn't mean that He doesn't care or want us to be happy. He has a bigger perspective and what we ultimately need in our lives and to become the people we are meant to be.

You must be my daughter!!

With classes being only once this week and thanksgiving here, we were asked to write a paper based on fatherhood and the importance of fathers. So I have been thinking quite a bit about my dad and the influence he has had on my life and my family.

There has been research done and I found out that children that have a father in the home or at least a part in their kids lives do better in school, learn more and have healthier behavior than those who don't. Society has down-played the importance of dads and it makes me sad. Fathers have a huge role to play not only providing financial for his family but also for the teaching his children in ways and about things that are needed to be successful in life.

My dad is a hard worker. He has provided the necessary things that our family needs, Growing up he took the time to teach us kids how to do all sorts of different things. One of my favorite things growing up was going outside to be with him and my brothers as they worked on different projects...from taking care of the animals and the yard to figuring out why the car was acting up.

There are things in my dad that I see in myself. Just last night actually we were eating dinner and I looked down and sure enough somehow I ended up with food all over my lap. My dad just looked and said something along the lines of "you must be my daughter." It was pretty funny.

I am thankful for my dad and all he does for our family. I love this quote that says " The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother." I know my dad loves my mom and I am grateful for both of them and all they do for me.